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There are good days and there are bad days in everyone’s life. You know that, I know that, everybody knows that. Unfortunately the bad days in my life are usually days with a very, very big TIRED feeling in my brain and body. It’s definitely okay to be tired in the evening and night, that’s when I’m usually supposed to sleep, but please, not while having breakfast, or preparing lunch, or sitting in front of my laptop to type a new blogpost. It makes my brain fuzzy, I cannot concentrate on anything I need to do. So please, BIG TIRED, leave me alone for now and I’ll be pleased to see you again tonight!
Just as an example, here’s what I wrote a few weeks ago:
Speaking of today, if I still would have my “sleep diary” with a scale from 0-5 for the daytime sleepiness (0 = wide awake, 5 = gotta sleee….), it would be a 4 – 4.5. The body is weak, I’m moving slowly like a snail (but not so slimy^^), it’s hard to lift the legs high enough to make real steps, my ability to concentrate is as fast as a turtle on dope. It’s almost a wonder that I can write this blogpost! My fingers are actually more awake than the rest of my body, and my brain dictates directly to them. Talking would be way too exhausting right now and it would sound like I’m drunk. Even thinking is hard.
These are the things I again won’t be able to accomplish today: cooking (too weak, I shouldn’t use a knife with so little power in my hands), taking care of our two lovely and cheeky birds (Marvin and Trillian, two budgies/parakeets), doing laundry and so much more on my list. On good days I’m able to prepare a few cooking things that I just throw together into my “hot air fryer” (it’s a [amazon text=Tefal ActiFry 2in1&asin=B006TF4OP2] called “Frida”, just sayin’) on these bad days, but sometimes I simply run out of those things and so we need to order something.
I actually took an upper, a stimulant. It often works, but sometimes there’s simply no or even the opposite effect and I’m getting even more tired, if that’s even possible. The problem today: I need to get some rest, because tomorrow is the day where we get crops delivered by a local organic farm and I want to be able to process and freeze it, to have prepared stuff to throw into Frida. I don’t want to again literally throw money away by not being able to do this and the crops go bad! So I need to brace my energies. But what energies? That’s how I feel right now. There is nothing to brace.
My back is hurting, because “sitting well” is too painful and I slump over and over again. I can’t sit here in front of my laptop and type for much longer. I know I *should* do back exercises and just move and train more. Going for a walk is a good advice, yeah, and as long as I’m having a good day, I do that! But I don’t go outside when I’m tired. It happened way too often that I got mean comments like “Hey, sleep it off at home!!” when I fall asleep in public places or just walk in a clumsy and sluggish way or just because I look tired! Yep, thanks, M’am, will do! Funny, eh? No, not at all. And let alone the fear of getting a cataplexy in public places (will tell you about that in another post). So I have to wait until I’m at least awake enough to walk in a nearly “normal” way.
So, I should and want to exercise more. Unfortunately, when I’m doing physically demanding stuff (great expression, by the way!), I tend to get a narcoleptic attack and fall asleep or get a cataplexy. I guess I’d better not go to a fitness center… Well, I do have a little trampoline where I can train a bit at home, but even that one makes often too much fun and causes a cataplexy. So, what to do? It seems to be a vicious cycle: moving more to become fitter, but moving is so tiring that it gets dangerous. Well, start slowly is the motto, I know. My mind is so motivated, believe me! The rest of me is still working on it.
So, moving, right? Right!
If,… yeah,… if there wouldn’t be this BIG TIRED so darn often.
Just leave me alone, big tired. Please. Pretty please.